Happy New Year to Stuart, Sam, and Jon. Looking forward to great things in 2019:
I am starting the New Year with making a clean slate
I have a “spectrum disorder” meaning I’m on the autism spectrum. When I am really stressed or anxious,
usually in a social setting, especially when meeting new people, I frequently “lose control” of my filter or
verbalize something without processing. Sometimes this makes me seem “aloof” or “snobby” or
“distant” or an “asshole” or really blunt. I’ve also hit “send” on emails when I should pondered or erased.
This problem has been largely under control for many years, but sadly in the last year it’s been a
problem again. I want to apologize for (as Jon says) “poor people skills in emails” in the last year.
When I was 13, the school system noticed I was testing “off the charts” in reading ability and things like
geography and math and thought I was very bright and put me in Counterpoint; a program for smart
kids.
Although I did very well in Counterpoint, I also started to occasionally (not all the time) say stupid things
or as they say "unguarded comments" Meaning: I would say things without further processing. I stress
that this was NOT all the time. They tested me and said I "maybe" was on the spectrum. At the same
time, dad and Uncle Tom and Uncle Len were teasing me frequently, calling me "absent minded
professor" and the "autist.' Kids in the Counterpoint program were teasing me all the time. In addition I
was fat and wore glasses.
Even though I was performing at a college graduate level in reading, I was really unhappy (because of
mom’s drinking and dad teasing me) and the school sensed something was wrong.
After one outburst with Sister Carol Ann (the music teacher) The school system had me work with Sister
Mary Anne Fox, one hour a day (instead of going to music program) and with Sister Mary Anne I talked
about the stress I felt about mom’s drinking and how I felt not in control. We practicing things to help me
calm down and run through mental exercises rather than say the first thing that came into my mind. I
was also able to pursue an independent course of study under Sister Mary Anne. I owe her a great debt.
Eventually I joined Key Club/Kiwanis Youth (where I met many great life-long friends) and the club
focused on public speaking and service projects. I can't say how much Kiwanis / Key Club helped me
deal with social anxiety. At age 13-15. I was not a bad kid. I was an odd, smart kid that suffered terrible
anxiety in a social setting and would say odd things. But teachers and friends learned to appreciate me
for who I was and I was able to greatly reduce the "unguarded comments"
I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE TIME I WAS 13-15.
As you can understand, being 13 is hard enough. Being 13 and being the fat kid with glasses who says
odd things when he is nervous is a nightmare. Dad teasing me all the time really, really hurt.
BUT I had lots of friends and was not socially isolated. I didn't "self-identify" as a kid with a spectrum
disorder or verbal processing disorder because I didn't want to be "labeled" (who does?) and I thought
of those kids as "freaks" because other people thought they were. Other kids in the Counterpoint gifted
kids program were even more idiosyncratic than me and I remember they were teased relentlessly.
I worked really hard to overcome my disorder. AND I don’t like to talk about it. I don’t “self identify” as a
person on the “spectrum” because of the stigma AND I look at it this way: I graduated with honors from
The Citadel (I think I was 17th in my class and was on Dean’s List 6 times), went to law school, passed
the bar exam, got accepted into the Ernst & Young honors program, became a Foreign Service Officer
(and have all sorts of awards). I don’t like the problem to define me. I briefed Bush and Obama. I
negotiated with Putin and Karzai, I was decorated for bravery in Iraq and Afghanistan and Uzbekistan.BUT in the last year clearly it’s affected my relationship with my son, you people, and my girlfriend.
As you know, I served many months in a Uzbekistan, Afghanistan, and Iraq. During that time I was in 23
“fire incidents” (rockets, suicide bombers, snipers, mortars, rockets, car bombs). Personally, I thought I
have done a great job dealing with the stress from those deployments. During those times of high stress,
the spectrum disorder did rear its ugly head a few times. My reaction when a suicide bomber blew off
the front of the Embassy in Tashkent, Uzbekistan and wounded two of my employees was supposedly
so professional I got a medal. But I also pissed myself at the time out of fear. When I was first under
attack in Iraq I got out of the vehicle and started waving my pistol in the air. It’s funny now—the security
contractors later joked if I thought I was still in the Air Defense Artillery—but it wasn’t funny then.
Just a few times, the problem surfaced and I would say inappropriate things or speak out loud without
processing or filtering. But, whenever that happened I dealt with it using the cues and meditation I
learned from the school psychologists and twice I went to see a therapist to learn to deal with the
anxiety and use strategies so I didn’t write or say something odd.
So many people that are great, lifelong friends will probably say " when I met Craig I thought he was an
aloof asshole" or "I thought Craig was a jerk lawyer/diplomat who thought his own poop didn't stink" but
then they realized that these occasional "odd comments," usually made when I was nervous at meeting
people, did not "define" Craig. They didn't represent the real Craig.
I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE THIS DISORDER.
I'VE WORKED HARD TO GET A HANDLE ON IT
I'm aware in the last year that I have said inappropriate or blunt things, especially to my Bob and Sam
and Jon. I've not meant to say these things, but when I'm stressed things came out wrong. Frequently, I
regret things as soon as I say them. I'm aware of what happened, but the damage is done.
I’m under a great deal of stress because:
1. I’ve convinced people to invest in Wellnest. I’ve never done this before and I feel an obligation to
them, even they, like me, had money to invest and went into the investment with eyes wide
open. Perhaps it shouldn’t but Wellnest causes me lots of stress.
2. My ex-wife Stephanie is out of her goddamed mind. She is not taking her meds, she is no longer
working, and she calls and screams at me (literally) at least two or three times a week. She
demands money and says she is going to re-open the divorce and bankrupt me. She also
greatly upsets the kids. It’s a nightmare. Even though we’ve been divorced four years.
3. Jared and Mariska are great, but raising teens, especially Jared causes a lot of stress.
THIS HAS LED TO A LOT OF STRESS.
The social anxiety, the awkwardness, the unguarded comments, the stupid shit coming out of my mouth
is because that is how I react due to being on the spectrum. They call it a verbal processing disorder.
In addition, my girlfriend Chelsea was facing a serious health issue, but luckily that is much better now.
I'm not a nasty person or a person crippled by social awkwardness. If I was I would not have friends or
loved ones. In times of extreme stress I say odd things or make unguarded comments. I’ve been in
denial about the re-surfacing of the problem and that’s overwhelmed the careful work I had done in
defeating my disorder.
I like to think I'm a hard worker and an upright guy. If I was not, I would not have been a diplomat,
lawyer, friend, and confidant to so many people.I’m trying to repair make things better with my children and my girlfriend. I’ve been seeing a therapist
that helps people on the autism spectrum. I think I’ve made great progress.
I just wanted to explain why I sometimes make seemingly inappropriate comments.
I ask your understanding about these comments. As Barnabus Collins says, “friends and family are the
real treasure.”
Happy New Year to you three and I look forward to doing great things together in 2019.
Hope to see you soon.
Craig